It can be a long and tiresome process to rebuild your marriage after an affair. It can be very hard to get rid of all the bad memories and pain that you endured. Every single thing reminds you of the betrayal you endured.
Most affairs begin after you are going through a bad patch. People find escape in arms of someone else. This creates a feedback loop in which every situation worsens the previous one.
In all this chaos, you keep wondering.
- What could you have done differently to avoid that? How can you start the recovery process?
- Are you with the right partner?
- Why didn’t I see it happening?
- If they had the same connection as we do.
Human mind creates multiple memories every day. These memories surface in most random way. Sometimes simple stimulus like touch or smell bring them out. There is no particular reason, they just come out..
These memories are not always random. Sometimes they might be dark, and disturbing ones like your partner cheating on you. These also surface again and again, causing the pain to augment repeatedly..
When you confronted him for the first time, you remember his scent in profound details. You know what song was playing in the background, what was playing on the television. Whenever you smell the scent, or hear that song, the sad and depressing memories of the incident.
1. Stop Resisting
The harder you try to stop it, the harder it becomes. You just need to let it pass.
2. How does it make you feel?
You need to understand the impact of that memory on you. Is it infuriating, depressing or utter indifference. By doing it again and again you will reduce the intensity and it will go away..
3. Your Condition.
Think about all the incidents. Go through every part. You don’t realise that if you have been through a lot and you are still okay. You are a strong and fortunate person. Think about everything you have, a house, food to eat, a job, etc; and think how lucky you are. There are many people who are not fortunate enough. You have an opportunity to move ahead and rebuild your relationship.