Infidelity. What a scary word. When one thinks of a cheating spouse, one usually thinks of a movie or someone else – rarely do we consider infidelity occurring in our own home. Until the day you suspect you are living with a cheater.
At first, the fear of an affair is a tiny “blip” on your internal radar. His comings and goings raise your awareness. Perhaps one too many phone calls at strange hours or an unexplained happiness in your partner make you wonder. Most betrayed spouses can, in hindsight, pinpoint the moment when the possibility of infidelity became a very real probability in their life.
No two cheating spouses are the same, but most unfaithful spouses have some dirty things in common. These same characteristics are also the key to your sanity as you can watch for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you need.
Cheating spouses hate lying to you – at first. Yes, it is true. Most spouses that are cheating really struggle with the dishonesty at first. Over time, the guilt becomes dull, and lying becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is portraying a very guilty attitude around you of late, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.
Cheating spouses are the most stressed out human beings you may ever meet. The stress of lying, keeping up two lives, keeping all their stories straight, and trying to keep two partners happy can be over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, the majority of cheating spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so someone would force them to end it.
Cheating spouses rely on today’s technology to keep the affair alive and in tact. Things like email and cell phone make affairs much easier to maintain – and also make affairs much easier to have in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship, start by checking the email and cell phone accounts. Any strange email address or cell phone number should be investigated for your peace of mind.
Not all cheating spouses are degenerate scum-bags. Affairs happen to good people. Yes, affairs can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a “degenerate” due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most cheating spouses living a lie.
If an affair is confirmed in your relationship, remember one thing. The next steps, actions and efforts are about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not waste your energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just had a traumatic experience happen that will center around trust. The misconception is that healing from an affair involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this is on the list of future things to deal with, it is not your immediate concern. Your first concern will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.
Cheating spouses tend to thrive off of the self-doubt betrayed spouses inflict upon themselves. The desire to trust is stronger than the desire to find out someone you are with is not trust-worthy. When infidelity is confirmed, the first victim of trust-issues is the betrayed spouses. Take time out for yourself and heal yourself before you attempt any other changes in your life.