If He’s Following the Script to Cheat… What Should You Expect from Your Husband?
Prior to leaving their relationships for new ones with other women, most men follow patterns that seem almost identical. In fact, according to relationship authors Elizabeth Landers and Vicky Mainzer, almost all men have an intrinsic pattern they follow before, during and after they cheat. The “Script,” as they refer to it, is a list of things men say and do throughout when they’re cheating or having long-term sexual affairs.
We previously discussed in the Overture section of the Script, men establish a “stable ground” to tread upon with their infidelity prior to cheating. During this time, the man will begin to create dischord in your relationship in several distinct ways. He may tell you that you need to seek help because you’re insecure, jealous or otherwise unstable. He will strongly suggest that you go back to school, pick up a hobby or change yourself. He’ll also volunteer that he’s never thought of and would never think of cheating on you with another woman.
Now on to Act I, which Landers and Mainzer refer to as “Before He Leaves.” During this part of your relationship, your husband will begin to act out his unhappiness, verbally or in action.
The Realization of Unhappiness
It’s thought that, in this stage, a man is feeling dissatisfied for one reason or another. Perhaps, he feels as if he’s not appreciated at home, or not recognized for what he does. It’s not uncommon for men who cheat to feel unappreciated and ignored, leading them to seek emotional and physical satisfaction and attention elsewhere.
In the first stages of the affair, your husband’s attitude may shift subtly, and he might start feeling sorry for himself and asking, “What about me?” What was once casual interaction with ladies of the opposite sex become appealing and linger in their minds, especially when the woman is not only attractive, but makes him feel genuinely good about himself. As he continuously encounters these interactions with women, he begins subconsciously seeking them out in an effort to feel better about himself.
Pre-Separating in Preparation for An Affair
As your husband begins to pursue the pleasant feeling he’s getting outside of his “everyday life” at home, there is a noticeable split in your intimacy. You may recognize that he withdraws from you, even when you’re open and engaging.
Don’t expect him to be obvious in how he withdraws from you. A man following the Script will reach back into the separation tactics he pulled in the Overture and dig up discord in small ways. He’ll argue and nitpick, creating situations where you’re defensive and otherwise unfriendly. Many women report that their men will pick something they do well, and criticize it; this is a successful means of getting a man’s wife to second-guess herself or the quality of what she does.
Even if your husband or boyfriend didn’t act in this manner, but behaves in other ways that deharmonize your relationship, he’s still reached his goal. Ultimately, his desire is to force you to behave in a manner that justifies his spending more time away from home and ultimately in the arms of another woman. Have you ever dealt with a cheater who you realized, in hindsight, would cause problems in the relationship only to tell you how argumentative and unpleasant you were?
Now many, many other actions can indicate your husband’s intentions of having an affair.